Meaningless
by Trunks1
Summary: An insight to Rufus, before and after becoming president, as well as his feelings for a certain Turk. (slightly dark, shonen-ai, songfic)


Author's note: The following contains shonen-ai, on Rufie's part :)  
If watching Rufus pine over Reno isn't your cup of tea, then, by all means, you know how to click the back button. ^_^  
  
  
  
Meaningless   
  
by Trunks  
  
'Angel' by Sarah McLachlan  
  
  
  
Spend all your time waiting  
for that second chance  
for a break that would make it okay  
there's always one reason  
to feel not good enough  
and it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
oh beautiful release  
memory seeps from my veins  
let me be empty  
and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight  
  
  
[ Money, power, and lies. Shinra is only made of three things, although some might  
disagree.  
Our power comes from the lies, the money from the power. The original purpose of  
Shinra was  
to become a company that put good use to that wonderful green substance, known as  
Mako.  
  
But we've become so much more. Power beyond our wildest dreams, that is at our  
fingertips to  
use as we please.  
Who is to say different? Shinra Incorporated is the largest company known to mankind, as  
well  
as the most loathed.  
  
And it's that loathing which allows us something to build upon. A person, whom hates  
something,  
is an easy target to work your power on.  
But, more than power, fear goes such a beautifully long way.  
  
All of this power, controlled by one man. One man, whom would do anything to end his  
life and  
put an end to the misery and torment that is his life.  
Such an immense responsibility might scare some, but responsibility was something that  
came  
naturally to me.  
  
The former president, my bastard of a father, had a good grasp on how to control the  
people's  
minds.  
However, his controlling only went as far as his life did.   
  
Slain by Sephiroth, that crazy reject son of Hojo's.  
  
Sephiroth. He certainly was a card, wasn't he?  
  
General of Shinra's SOLDIERs, driven insane by Jenova, killed, resurrected, still insane,   
killed.  
  
What a way to live your life. Controlled by some creation of Shinra.  
  
That's what I always thought of my father. Just some old man, whose mind was too  
fixated on  
his life with Shinra to even think twice about his dead wife or son.  
Living in Shinra, as a child, was an experience I would die before having again.  
  
Having the Turks around, as vice president, helped advance my views on the world.   
It was the Turks that taught me how easy it was to conceal your emotions from the rest of  
the world, from even yourself.  
  
And, if you kept your emotions hidden for as long as I've had mine hidden, you,  
eventually, begin  
to forget that they even exist. ]  
  
  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
  
  
[ I don't remember when it was that I first met Reno. You think that one would not forget  
meeting  
such a different person, as he was, but, at the time, I never thought twice about him.  
It was easy to dismiss him from my thoughts. He was just another Turk. Another  
emotionless  
Turk to add to Shinra's collection.  
  
But he wasn't at all what he appeared to be. He was careless, dishonorable, shameless, and   
very, very annoying.  
It was very rare that he addressed me as "Mr.. President" or "Sir".   
I found it annoying that he continued to call me by my first name, although I'm sure that  
was  
why he continued to do it.  
  
I tried to find fault with him, just something so I could have a reason to fire him from  
Shinra  
and get him out of my hair.  
However, though Reno may have been careless around me, he most certainly was not  
while on duty.  
  
It was impossible to find a way to fire him, so I tired to ignore him, something I was   
unnaturally good at.  
My cold attitude towards him did little to shake him up, which did, at first, discourage my  
slightly.  
  
However, I had other problems to worry about beyond Reno.  
  
That idiot Cloud Strife. Why would anyone put him in charge of Avalanche? From what I  
hear, he's  
a failed Sephiroth-clone, which doesn't put him very high in my mind.  
But, it's that failed clone that is beating my Turks and getting in the way of my plans to  
find  
the promised land.  
  
But, no matter how much I try to keep my mind focused on Avalanche, I always find it  
slipping  
back to that red-headed Turk.  
  
The Shinra files have very little on his past, which doesn't help me to understand the way  
he  
acts any better.  
  
Of course, Shinra's files have nothing on my past either. ]  
  
  
so tired of the straight line  
and everywhere you turn  
there's vultures and thieves at your back  
and the storm keeps on twisting  
you keep on building the lie  
that you make up for all that you lack  
it don't make no difference  
escaping one last time  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees  
  
  
[ Such a beautiful light...  
  
What would Reno say, if he knew I was standing here like this, ready to give end my life  
and  
the misery I live in.   
He would probably scowl and tell me, "Good-bye."  
  
At first, I thought it was just lust. Telling myself that over and over, I, actually, almost  
believed myself.  
Just letting myself know that what I felt was nothing but lust, nothing else.  
  
But I knew it was a lie. What I felt for Reno went deeper than lust and, for the first time  
since  
I was a child, I felt very, very scared.  
I am not the type of person to have feelings for someone else. I trained for years to be  
emotionless and, yet, here I am, falling head over heels in love with that baka I thought  
I hated.  
  
It's irony really, to think you hate a person to no end, only to find out your really in   
love with them.  
  
Love is a word I've never spoken to anyone, and a word I hardly even think of. I never  
received  
any type of caring from my father, so, being a cold bastard just ran in the family bloodline.  
  
The Sister Ray..Mako powdered shells...Yes, Scarlet, such a brilliant idea. The barrier will  
be broken and we'll be able to reach Sephiroth, as well as the promised land.  
  
But I won't be there to see it. As soon as this beautiful light reaches me, I won't have to  
live with this torturous life any longer.  
  
Reno...  
  
I love you.  
  
But, I can't be with you. You wouldn't want me anyway, I could never be anything but a   
cold-hearted monster that doesn't even know how to care about someone.  
I'm sure you won't care, you never seem to stay on one thing for very long.  
  
I can see it all now, Rude comes into the bar with the report of my death and you all  
celebrate  
with a round of beer.  
  
Why not? How could you possibly feel anything but pure hatred towards me, after the way  
I've  
treated you?  
  
Would saying, "I'm sorry", do anything at all? I don't know that I've ever said that to  
anyone  
before.  
But, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I would give you anything, just to let  
you  
know how I feel, but I can't, because I would probably screw that up too.  
  
As the beam hits the building, I fall over, eyes closing in pain.  
  
"Good-bye, Reno." ]  
  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here 


End file.
